holding on

the last year of my life has been challenging. not necessarily in a bad way, but in a "what doesn't kill me can only make me stronger" kind of way. i've got this vision for myself, and what i'm supposed to be able to accomplish. and frankly, there are not enough hours in the day to do what i want. after that, i've had to reckon with the fact that this is how most everyone feels. it's a rare time in life that we all get to focus on only one thing for a sustained period of time.

for a while, i felt that i was barely holding on. i was traveling, working, studying, without any time for myself or my family. to make it worse i was trying to convince myself i wanted it that way. i wasn't spreading myself too thin, per se, but i was devoting myself to transient parts of life. i'm passionate about my work and travel, but i can't count on those things to be with me no matter what. on the other hand, i can always count on my family. i finally realized that i wanted my family to always be able to count on me. so some of those other things had to fall away. i'm traveling less (although still traveling). i'm still working, but not letting the stress take over everything. i'm taking half the classes i was taking before, but still working towards that ultimate degree. because of that, i have time for daryn, i have time for my niece, i have time for my sisters and my parents. i'm not barely holding on anymore. thank goodness for that.